Friday, March 20, 2015

identity crisis, self esteem, and words of encouragement



In my brief micro-adventure into the land of photography this past week, I have noticed myself going through a range of emotions.
These thoughts & criticisms go somewhat as follows...

Maybe a nature walk will make me feel better.
Maybe I should take some photos for inspiration. 
Meh, you're not a real photographer, you don't even have a real camera, iphones don't count.









Well, this looks kinda neat, maybe I can do something with it in photoshop? 
Oh, you messed with the saturation & hues palette in photoshop and suddenly your mediocre snapshot counts as 'abstract art'?








Not Bananas, Not Lobsters, Not Watermelon, Not Nail Polish and Not The Eighties

I kinda like these, I think they're kinda cool, I think I'll post them in my store. 
What's wrong with you? Who do you think you are sharing your so-called 'artistic photos' to anyone?...let alone, posting them up for sale on some POD site. 






I do like the colors. 
Is there any real artistic value to these, though, besides the colors being a bit fun? What are you expressing? 
Oh, you just like the wacky colors? How brilliant!!! Your type of artistry is a dime a dozen. Go find another hobby. You suck!
They're not that simplistic... See... the corrugated drain pipe, in yellow, on purple, kinda reminds me of bananas... 
Ugh! You sound like one of those pretentious assholes that claim everything they do has some 'big, deep meaning'
And the orange on the blue, makes me think of lobsters... 
This drain pipe is having a bit of an identity crisis! 

I am projecting my own identity crisis onto this poor pipe... 
I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin, 
I'm forcing my state of mind onto this pipe & using bright, happy colors to do so. 
I'm trying to cheer myself up! 
I'm trying to figure myself out! 
What kind of artist am I? 
Do I even have a style? 
I'm supposed to be consistent... 
The market prefers predictability. 
As an artist, you need to have a style. 
Something that fits well & is marketable with the world! 
No one will ever buy this crap.

You're not that important. You're not that original, or different, or special. Why do you bother?
I'm just compelled, I guess...

And no, I don't have some singular shtick that I can peddle to the masses. 
I'm not clever.
I'm not edgy.
I'm not unique.
But I'm not that different either.
I like too many things.
I can't focus on just one style, or genre, or subject... I get bored.
I like weird things.
I like cute things.
I like pretty things. 
I don't specialize.
I am worthless.
I should just give up.

STOP

I should keep trying, keep doing, keep creating whatever I want & sharing it whenever, wherever... What makes them so special that they can & do but I somehow shouldn't? Nothing. I'm just as special as everyone else. I need to find my own way. Carve my own path! I need to be nicer, & more encouraging to myself. I would never critique a person outside of my own skin, in the way I treat myself. My overly critical self can get downright mean... To the point I do give up, temporarily. While certain questions need to be asked in order to make sure I'm not just 'phoning it in' as an artist, being an outright asshole to myself is just not helpful.

I think I've made my point. 
Today's post was quite therapeutic.
Thank you for reading my babble.
-Jen:)